Life sure has its ups and downs doesn't it?

One minute you're a rock star and the next someone flattens your tires!  Well that's alright... as I learned from someone quite awesome named Roger Anthony, who founded Crocodiles not Waterlilies, when life throws you an obstacle, you need to get excited like the platypus!  You know why?  Because, he says, behind said obstacle is a prize you were waiting for, a delicious morsel like one you've never tasted before!

Well, that was my take on what he said.  His way was much more eloquent, of course.  He touched my very soul the day I met him and he's so down to earth!  I was very privileged to meet him.

Roger Anthony

So with that in mind, the holidays are upon us and normally some of us get depressed around this time of year.  Mourning over families you never had, friends you had and have moved on, past loves, past losses of any kind, etc. etc.  Every year it seems we feel more and more alone and the holidays just seem to point out the obvious, everyone has someone but me.  You could be surrounded by a mob and feel like the loneliest person on earth!

Well, much like what I said last year, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!  I even created a group on facebook for this purpose, so we can all remember that we are never alone.  There is always someone else who feels as you do and therefore, you are not alone, we are all connected.

But unlike last year, I also say, it does NOT have to be this way anymore!!

You can actually CHOOSE to be happy without anyone in the world, in the crowd or by yourself, you can be fulfilled and NOT be lonely.  Life is about choices and though sometimes you get the sucky choices, you STILL get a choice.


Don't let ANYONE take away your choices!  Not even yourself.

So this year, fellow "I hate the holidays" folks, let's shed off that coat and try on a new one.  One that says, "I'm OK during the holidays!"  I am loved, beautiful, fantastic, and people want to be with me and they will be, as long as I LET them in!!

So let's share the spirit of love and sharing, let someone in your life and be open.  It's scary as hell, trust me, I know (!) but so worth it, I promise you!!!

Frustration over money..... what else is new?!

I realise working for yourself is the ONLY way to get ahead... but don't go falling for schemes and things.  Working for your employer, not good, you make HIM or HER money.  Working for some kind of MLM or commission based opportunity?  Nope... that gives THEM money.  Unless of coures, you're the guy at the top of said MLM because you're the one that created it... but that takes talent and money and/or skill to run.  If you can do it, go for it!  Otherwise, just know what you're doing, making someone else rich with your work.  Although sure, you'll make more there than you do at a "job."

Which brings me to my frustration.  I've recently wanted to go to a jungle and just forget the whole civilisation thing.  IT'S ANNOYING to have to live with this green god of money.  I don't want to worship it, I'm a heathen and in this case, a severe atheist!  People forgot what fortune really is.  It's not how much green god you have, it's what you do with yourself and how you touch others that matters.

Although I guess, the green god helps with that too... for those who don't want to do the actual WORK, it works perfectly.  Just throw more green god at whatever...

So I leave you with a thought... what are you going to do?  I'm goign to bitch and whine for a while.  Then I'm getting my boot straps on, my Harley wheels going in my head...and I'm taking off!  To the jungle or to kill the green god, I have no idea yet... but I'm DEFINITELY going somewhere!!

Heritage House Cafe in Vacaville, CA

That's about what my face looked like and what the chicken strips were... TINY!!  But this isn't me and this isn't Vacaville, this is just some picture I found on google images that conveyed what I felt after visiting Heritage House Cafe.

I wasn't impressed with this place... SUPER expensive for what they give you.  I paid almost 10 dollars for  THREE tiny chicken strips and a salad with a cola.  I'm sorry but that's ridiculous!  I get more at McD's for LESS!  And the taste?  Shoot... that's nothing to shout about either.  I've had better at McD's...  Except for this place's chicken strips are more burnt and therefore crisper than McD's.

OK maybe that was a little harsh.  They weren't burnt as in charcoal coloured but they were super crispy.  So I'd say 20 percent white meat and the rest was crisp batter...

All in all, it sucked.  I'm soooo happy I didn't go for the burger special.  Mind you, this was also a lunch special! The burger was $9.50 so I would have been way more PISSED if it was a piddly burger.

The chicken strips meal was $5.99 which means their soda was almost $4, that's highway robbery!!

NEVER AGAIN!!!!!

I will say, since this thing asked, the waitress or whatever was nice and the atmosphere was quiet and diner like, which is OK.  But yeah, never going back there again.  I want value and good food, I don't care WHAT the place is like.  I'd even take shitty service and loud atmosphere for good food and great value.

10 things guys... what...? No no no...

 10-things-guys-wish-women-knew-about-men

OK so yahoo posts up this article and I read it and well, here's what I thought about it.  You could either go read the article and see what I said or you could just read what I said...  I think either way you'll be fine...   Anyway here's what I wrote:


Well, I don't know if any of this is actually true for men.  I do know that it's true for ME.  I'm not a man but have been accused of acting like gay man various times.

This is actually a friend of mine named Adrian Dalton.  He had the same predicament as me but did something about it.  She is now a he.  He had a lot of courage!  He's also a female impersonator! :D  Now that's new, isn't it? And I love him for it! :D  Anyway, I'm not quite where he was.  I've only been accused of being a gay man.  He actually knew he was one!  Here's his article if you're interested: Metro Article on Adrian Dalton

Now back to me, I need sex not just because it's a "need" but to feel connected, want to be desired, wanted, loved, all those things....  But what did I end up with?  A guy who's not into sex.  Life sure is weird...

I also struggle with visual temptations... I'm an ogler of hot guys... I can't help it.  I sometimes watch gay porn bc that's where the hot guys are.  I think about these things all the time and it makes me wonder if I'd be a cheater should one of them ACTUALLY pay attention my way.  I doubt it bc I think I'm pretty loyal... but man do those fantasies run off with me...

I can be insecure, I think everyone is though, not just men or just women.  Same thing with feelign disrespected.  No one can love someone who disrespects you.  Why would you want to stay with that?  And no one wants to stay with someone who doesn't love them.

Do men want romance?  I dont know... I don't think so...  I do know I'm supposed to do foreplay and all that jazz but I just don't like it... guys seem to be relieved, so yeah, I don't think they want to do all that romance stuff.  They do it just to get to the finish line.  At least that seems to be my POV on the matter.  I don't know any guy who goes out of their way to be romantic when they can just "do it."

Pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?

And finally....  Visual attraction of your mate.  Now come on, I realise men are "visual beasts" and thus we women have to peacock for them but this is highly unfair.  Yeah I know, who cares?

Just so you know some of us gay man women (myself) need the guy to look good too.  No way in hell am I going to be attracted to a fat, balding, hairy, ugly man.  If I married you pretty, I expect you to stay pretty...within reason.  A 60 y o man who looks 20 is nice but hella creepy!!  No thank you!  Unless of course, you're naturally this way...  yeah right... good luck... lol

But do I want my husband to suddenly gain 100 lbs, lose all his hair and just "let himself go" like it meant nothing? NO.  Come on now, if I have to peacock, so do you!!

I don't know who this guy is, but he sure as hell is NOT SEXY!!!

Now I may be a rare beast, but as such, I deserve better than the average joe.  I'm not conceited.  I just think good for the goose, good for the gander.  I don't demand much, don't let that visual thing fool you.  I'm the best friend you never had and the woman lots of guys want, I think.  Doesn't matter though, I'm a one man show.  I only date one guy at a time and if I'm with you.  I'm with you.  I'm a one track mind when it comes to that sort of thing.
Unless a young brad pitt lookalike shows up... then we got visual problems going on... but don't worry, you wouldn't know it. :)  I'm an ogler, but I'm also respectful.

However, if you ogle out loud (and what guy doesn't?) then it's a fair game.  I'll do it too.  Just as long as we're both clear it's JUST a visual thing.  Beyond that, we got MAJOR problems.  I don't believe in cheating.  I don't want to have it done to me (again) nor would I do that to someone else.  If I find a better fish, I'll dump you first but honestly, I'm very patient.  I'll wait out your fish.  I don't actually leave until I'm really damn sure you're a bad fish.  THEN I'll go find another fish.

Alright, these are my three cents on the matter.  I think I've said plenty and not enough... ;)  And for all you who like hot guys and whose eyes are burning bc of that supreme court dude, here you go, some visual candy for you... OK me...  ;)

No clue who this is either, but he looks good to me from here! :D  I normally like pretty faces but I'm not complaining...his body and background make up for it. :)

Boots Expert Sensitive Restoring Night Treatment

OK so this is supposed to be some night cream you put on your face and it's supposed to keep it smooth and whatever.  It's supposed to be for sensitive skin.  So then why, in GOD'S name does it have alcohol as the *third* ingredient!?

That makes no sense at all!  Don't they know alcohol is irritating to the skin on normal people, not to mention SENSITIVE skinned people!!  Idiots...

I try this cream on because much like many of you out there, I got duped into buying something because it was supposed to be "good for your skin."  I try it on, it burns like mad.  Mind you, I have NORMAL skin.  I'm like wtf?  why does it burn?  OK, maybe a fluke... maybe I got a little too much sun...  So I dismiss it.

I try it again later...same burning sensation!  WTH!?!  Oh I see, it has aloe in it (last ingredient mind you...) so maybe that's it...  sometimes aloe burns when you're really irritated.


I try it again a week later... fuck, it STILL burns!  Then I read the ingredients and actually pay attention to them... cetyl alcohol... my eyes bulge... what the HELL is that there for in a cream for your face?!?  Oh I know, most creams have alcohol somewhere... stupid...but it's true....but usually not so far up in the ingredients list!!

What is going on!?  Y'all mad over there in England?  Y'all want to burn people's faces?!  Goodness!!  This brand, Boots, is manufactured in England, or so the little jar says.


Never again am I buying this sh again... I don't remember the price, but nothing, even close to free, is worth having my face burn every time I use it!!!  I guess I got myself some foot cream or something... I haven't tried it on other parts of the body but man, I know for sure it's NOT for the face!!

Am I wrong?  Am I the only one who gets burned by this night cream?  Let me know...  This is, of course, for those who tried it or use it.  I sure as heck wouldn't want you to go buy this sh just to tell me if it burns you or not.  I'm not a sadist, for goodness sake!!

SO I see this video and I think, man, this is completely unnecessary!  First it was about the kid but then it's all about the book pushers...  I don't know what the last part was about...but it stopped being about the kid.  It almost sounded like a debate where both parties were on the same page... not much of a debate but the tone was like a debate, lol.  I guess that's what I get for not watching the news.  Maybe it's always like this:

A news story about Jamey Rodemeyer, the kid who committed suicide because he was bullied. He was 14. :(

Click on that link and tell me what you think.

It seems that lately this blog turned into this picture...  I do have a  lot to say but is there anyone to listen? Did my thirst for attention overwhelm my sense of having something to say?  That was a mistake.  I should write because I want to write, because I have something to write, because it matters to someone.  Someone out there can make sense of my ramblings because they probably ramble just the same.  I'm nothing special.  I just, perhaps, voice it differently or more often.

Lately there's been too much of this silence.  Silent tears, silent fears, silent talks...  Just too much friggin silence!  I don't want that anymore.  I want to speak out, write my thoughts.

They say thoughts turn into action.  Well... first I have to figure out what thoughts to think of first!  So many of them.  I'm sure someone can agree, sometimes our brain just talks too much.  Sometimes our reptilian brain takes over and we're overwhelmed with emotions and we act impulsively.  Sometimes it's our hormones.  We, as women, can blame it on hormones but trust me, men have them too, they just can't "say" that this is why they've done what they did.

So for this little blip on the net I want to say it's very sad to hear about people dying young.  A 14 year old died because he was bullied at school.  What's new?  Some will say that they too were bullied and they didn't die.  They didn't commit suicide as this young man did.  But it's different now... people have taken bullying beyond the school yard.  It's everywhere.  So much hatred for no apparent reason.

What ever happened to live and let live?!  Who's to say what other people do or don't do?  Who they fall in love with or why it even matters to anyone else??  Now I hear we lost this kid, who tried to survive the hate through you tube.  Go check him out  Jamey's you tube channel

At one point he felt optimistic, that it was ALL going to be OK.  That he would survive the hate but I guess it was too much and he offed himself.  Totally unnecessary!  He was 14.  He's not the only one bullied to the point of suicide.

When will the madness stop?!  Seriously!  Why do we have to be so brutal?  Why can't we control our own stupidity?  I hope we can turn it around and start promoting love thy neighbour.  I'm not religious but shouldn't we at least do that "command" ? At least it makes sense... we're all human.  Colour of skin, eyes, hair, etc. shouldn't matter, nor should it matter who we love, what we do, all those things as long as we aren't hurting others.  Unless you're into S and M or whatever, but at least it's two adults consenting to be hurt. I think that's weird but hey, to each their own.

Anyway I spoke a lot for a little "blip" and if I can get myself disciplined, I'll keep writing every day if possible.  I want to share my thoughts with the world.  Get them out of my head so I can sleep at night...or whenever...  Til them but don't plant before spring!

C