Mistakes we make when trying to find love...

I'm sure I've made them and I know they've been made to me. Some of these are online things but can be applied to real life too, I think.

1. When attracting someone...let's not go overboard. Number one killer for me? I love you. Now that sounds strange because most girls LOVE hearing it... but come on, I just met you...ONLINE even... and you love me? Yeah...next!

2. I can't live without you! God you make me so happy! Um... what? OK again, you just met me...

Being highly emotional might be normal for some people but for me it throws a fire alarm in my head. I don't ever get that emotional. That doesn't mean I'm a dead fish, far from it, but I am a lot more cautious about people who throw words around. Hence my number 1 killer...

3. You'd think my number one online killer is "I want to f*ck you." But it isn't. I have been getting that statement/question/request/whatever since I first found myself online some decades ago... Back in 1982 I found a thing called Mosaic. Back then it was a bunch of computer geeks hiding in their basements for hours and hours... A female to them was like an open refrigerator to a bunch of ants. I was swarmed. So while requests like this annoy me, I've gotten used to the attention. I ignore it. I'm glad I've never made THIS mistake... last I checked I've never asked anyone to do anything sexual to me. lol. :) (Well, online...)

4. Moving too fast and not paying attention you're freaking the other person out. There's the over emotional person, which I tend to distrust. Then there's the guy that wants to know that "if things go well" where are we spending the night types. Excuse me? Who said I was giving you anything at all?! Last I checked, there was no ring on my finger buddy!

5. What about the one that on the first date has your lives planned out for you. Yikes... Now I know women do this one for sure.

I don't, because I don't even have my dinner figured out but I know lots of women have these hopes and dreams of guys and what's supposed to happen and god forbid if the guy doesn't comply.

(record scratch!)

And no, just because it's our third doesn't mean you get to name the children... slow down!

6. Being too clingy or suffocating. Yup, I did this one. I've had it done to me. Not fun. Give people space but not so much they forget you. What that is, depends on the other person. Talk to me once a month and I'll forget you for sure. Talk to me every five mins, I'll WANT to forget you. In other words, don't crowd anyone, it's not sexy.

This is one of those delicate balances. Go too fast, you scare people...too slow and you bore them...

7. Listen to what people tell you. I make this mistake, I think I know, but I don't... It's hard not to jump to conclusions...or do the yeah buts... or if only I/he/she/it...or well it's this way now but later...

What if later never happens? And this is more relationship oriented but think about it... can you live with those quirks if they NEVER change? If you can't let them go now and forever hold your peace. Don't make people pay for YOUR disappointment. If he was a smoker when you met him, don't think you'll change him... assume he'll always smoke. Now for me, that's a hell to the no. I can't handle smokers. We can be friends but you ain't bring that sh home to me... no way.

OK I'm done for now... I'm sure I'll have more things later... I'm one Cat who can't seem to shut up... lol. :)

Why women are stupid... well, we are... sometimes.

Most of the animal world's females look like mud. They aren't colourful, they don't stand out, and for the most part, aren't really in competition with one another the way female humans are.

What happened? We turned against nature and I can't figure out why? For some GUY?! That's crazy...

Somewhere along the line, we were fed the lie that we were the ones who were supposed to attract a mate, not the other way around.

In the animal world, it is the strongest, prettiest, best suited male that gets the female. It is the males who have to work hard for our love. But in the human world? Men sit around waiting for US to attract them. We have to look "just right" for them or they move on. Um, really? Why?

Once we get said male, then it is our job to do everything else, including, now a days, work for a living. He's then free to go to work, then sit on his arse watching TV while we cook, clean, and care for the children. Does this sound backwards to you? And women don't dump loser men for fear of "being alone" because god forbid that ever happens. Like you haven't realised that yes, you CAN do this on your own. Better have no mate/partner than to have a burden, I always say.

Fortunately, some men have grown out of the cave, and actually are good guys. But THEY end up with women who treat them like crap and apparently, they like it. Why? I have no idea. And I hear that story goes both ways, meaning men stay with bitches and women stay with assholes. No one can figure out why that would be a good thing for anyone.

But fear is a powerful thing, isn't it?

I'm afraid to stand up for myself because then he'll leave me. I'm afraid to do X Y Z because of A B and C. Well, let's think about it. Why let fear rule your life? Why put up with nonsense if you don't have to?

Now me, I've been "alone" for 15 years. I've been celibate that long and people think I'm from mars. Men, especially. They don't understand how my sex drive hasn't driven me crazy. It's simple. If you're focused on something else, sex isn't that big a deal. That doesn't mean I don't like it or don't want it. It means I'm waiting for my peacock to come along... Instead I seem to find a lot of cocks with peas...if you get my drift.

So I'm not directed or ruled by my "other" brain. And I can be naughty, and I can be goofy, and I can sexualise men as much as they sexualise women. I can say you're hot I want to bop you! But I don't mean it. I've learned that one nighters are never a good thing. The girls I hear talk about it say it's great! And later they feel like crap. No thanks, I'll keep moving on.

Men of course, are grateful for women like that. Are you kidding me? Free sex?! Why not? She's dumb enough to give it up, I'm going to take it!!

I don't blame men for it. It's hardwired into them to go around bopping things that move and are female and are willing. It's like if I went to a candy store and they said come anytime you want to eat candy. And they kept changing the candy so I was never bored. Hey, I'd be in there every day...

So don't blame the players, blame the women who keep the game going.

And be smart. Don't give it up so easy. My god, don't be so afraid to be alone! It's not that bad. You won't die, I promise.

And men...wake up. If a girl baits you with whatever and then turns into a bitch, drop that woman. And women, if your man turns into a loser, drop them! NO ONE deserves to be treated badly.

Someone posted on facebook that life is too short to be spending it with someone who doesn't treat you well. And he's right. I wish I could remember his name right now, but he's had good words of wisdom.

Women complain, but he's not doing X Y Z. Or he works too much. Or he (insert excuse here) so I'm not going to do anything for him either. Is that really true? In some cases, men are doing waaaay more than he should be and you're STILL not satisfied. Look around for the things he does do. Men aren't as verbal as women. They show love other ways and if you were open to it, you'd see that in fact they DO something. Unless he's a loser and you're the sugar momma...that's not good.

For example. Man works 80 hrs a week so wife can stay home and be with baby. He comes home exhausted and suddenly she wants him to do housework and care for the baby while she goes shopping. Is that fair? I don't think so. She doesn't even have a meal for him when he gets home. Not even a hi. Not even a hug. Nothing. Just here, take the kid, I'm going shopping and while I'm gone you can cook your own dinner and clean the house. Excuse me? She doesn't even notice that he fixed the leaky faucet or that he rubbed her feet yesterday because he saw she was tired. She doesn't notice that he's going without sex because she's "too tired." She doesn't understand this is a very important connection. (for both sexes)
Where did we get this "me" only mentality?

Now I flip it. Suppose man works 40 hrs a week and comes home, sits on the couch to watch TV and gets upset b/c wife not only didn't have dinner ready, the kids are too loud and the house is a mess. Never mind she's working a 40 or more hour week and that being a mom is a 24/7/365 thing that you can't ever get out of...if you're a real parent. He just wants to come home to a hot meal, watch his TV, drink his beer or whatever, and relax because god knows, he's done working. Um, yeah, no....

See, here's my dilemma. I want equal partnerships. I want to be what you are...the same. Anything less is ridiculous. Now that doesn't mean we both do the same things, we both have roles but like everything else, we NEED a balance. I'm done with one sided relationships. And from what I see out there? That's mostly there is. Someone is doing more than the other and the one doing less seems to always be ungrateful and the one doing more can never do enough. What the heck is up with that?!

And while we're at it? Why are we, the women, so caught up in kicking other women down? Look at her?! OMG did you see what she's wearing?! Did you see what she did?! OMG she's such a slut! (because her dress looks hot on her and not you)

We spend a gazillion dollars on make up, clothes, shoes, expensive, god forbid don't let me get wrinkles and don't let me get fat before I attract a mate. After that? Who gives a sh... Yeah, no... that's false advertisement. That's unfair. He met you like this and like that and as soon as that ring goes on you stop? That's terrible!

I say, better just not start in the firstplace. Be fat, be natural, be unsexual, whatever it is, and let HIM decide if that's OK. I haven't noticed too many men switch gears like women do. They tend to be what they are, all ways, unless he goes through some trauma or something psychological happens.

For the most part, men are simple creatures. They want X Y and Z and they act this that or the other way. They don't tend to get complicated. They speak what they have to say and get to the point quickly. They don't need to give you their whole life story before asking you for a cookie.

I like men. I like simplicity. I like knowing that what someone said is really what they mean. For example, no I don't want that cookie really means that...not "please tell me I'm not fat so I can feel better about wanting the cookie and then convince me it's OK to eat it so that I will."

As much as I find some men frustrating, women are way worse. We're too complicated and chaotic. Most women say X but mean Z and we're just supposed to know what they say. Like mind readers and if god forbid we can't understand you, there's hell to pay.

Why are you asking me if you look fat? You already know you look fat. Why are you mad because I told you what you already know?! Don't ask questions to which you don't want answers to or if you want a fake answer, please tell me that first. Don't play games. I hate that.

Now, not all men are that simple. Some men have learned to be women, I guess. My ex husband was a charming, witty, whatever, seemed like a luxury on the outside. But he was horrible indoors. No one would ever believe me. It took me far too long to drop that loser.

What I mean to say is he was one thing on the outside and another on the inside, the whole bait and switch thing I talked about several paragraphs ago.

So it goes both ways. I'm a simple woman. I say what I mean. I'm too honest for most people. I'm too harsh for others. I'll tell you taht you're fat in that dress. You asked. I'll say that no, I have no idea if that dress goes with those shoes because frankly, I can't tell the difference between eggplant, indigo, and dark purple. I don't know your gazillion shades of blue, red, white, black, brown, green, whatever... I don't frankly CARE.

So I'm like a guy that way. Most guys like pretty packages but they care more about the inside. Some guys, like me, won't notice that today you wore eggshell but yesterday it was bone. They won't care if you wear chartreuse or turquoise. Mind you, these are quality men. The ones you don't bother looking at because they aren't ogling you like mad hungry wolves.

Let's face it girls. We all say we hate it, but we like those hungry dogs. It makes us think we're pretty. And if said hungry dog is pretty too? My god we get such an ego boost.

So here we go, spending on plastic surgery, on perfect clothes, on make up, on shoes that kill our feet, etc etc and for what? So hungry, shallow, men can say we're pretty? Or better yet, so we can look at another woman and say we look better than you and I know it.

Get real. I don't care for your competition. I DO look for the nice guys. But at my age, most are already damaged by the likes of you...women who take advantage of guys like that and turn them into monsters or scared little boys. I can't fix them. I don't have time to... I just wish they knew me before they met you. So they could at least realise not all women are horses without an s. We're not all terrible.

And that goes for you too girls. Not all men are pigs and assholes. There are some good ones. But first, you have to let go of your fake. Because just like in facebook, there are a lot of fakers out there. You think we can't tell, but I know. I just let you believe I don't know it...