SO I see this video and I think, man, this is completely unnecessary!  First it was about the kid but then it's all about the book pushers...  I don't know what the last part was about...but it stopped being about the kid.  It almost sounded like a debate where both parties were on the same page... not much of a debate but the tone was like a debate, lol.  I guess that's what I get for not watching the news.  Maybe it's always like this:

A news story about Jamey Rodemeyer, the kid who committed suicide because he was bullied. He was 14. :(

Click on that link and tell me what you think.

It seems that lately this blog turned into this picture...  I do have a  lot to say but is there anyone to listen? Did my thirst for attention overwhelm my sense of having something to say?  That was a mistake.  I should write because I want to write, because I have something to write, because it matters to someone.  Someone out there can make sense of my ramblings because they probably ramble just the same.  I'm nothing special.  I just, perhaps, voice it differently or more often.

Lately there's been too much of this silence.  Silent tears, silent fears, silent talks...  Just too much friggin silence!  I don't want that anymore.  I want to speak out, write my thoughts.

They say thoughts turn into action.  Well... first I have to figure out what thoughts to think of first!  So many of them.  I'm sure someone can agree, sometimes our brain just talks too much.  Sometimes our reptilian brain takes over and we're overwhelmed with emotions and we act impulsively.  Sometimes it's our hormones.  We, as women, can blame it on hormones but trust me, men have them too, they just can't "say" that this is why they've done what they did.

So for this little blip on the net I want to say it's very sad to hear about people dying young.  A 14 year old died because he was bullied at school.  What's new?  Some will say that they too were bullied and they didn't die.  They didn't commit suicide as this young man did.  But it's different now... people have taken bullying beyond the school yard.  It's everywhere.  So much hatred for no apparent reason.

What ever happened to live and let live?!  Who's to say what other people do or don't do?  Who they fall in love with or why it even matters to anyone else??  Now I hear we lost this kid, who tried to survive the hate through you tube.  Go check him out  Jamey's you tube channel

At one point he felt optimistic, that it was ALL going to be OK.  That he would survive the hate but I guess it was too much and he offed himself.  Totally unnecessary!  He was 14.  He's not the only one bullied to the point of suicide.

When will the madness stop?!  Seriously!  Why do we have to be so brutal?  Why can't we control our own stupidity?  I hope we can turn it around and start promoting love thy neighbour.  I'm not religious but shouldn't we at least do that "command" ? At least it makes sense... we're all human.  Colour of skin, eyes, hair, etc. shouldn't matter, nor should it matter who we love, what we do, all those things as long as we aren't hurting others.  Unless you're into S and M or whatever, but at least it's two adults consenting to be hurt. I think that's weird but hey, to each their own.

Anyway I spoke a lot for a little "blip" and if I can get myself disciplined, I'll keep writing every day if possible.  I want to share my thoughts with the world.  Get them out of my head so I can sleep at night...or whenever...  Til them but don't plant before spring!

C

All products are not created equal...

Today I want to talk about lubes. OK so I've only done like three, but still... four? What? Oh yes... the monkey in my head tells me they use KY at the 'office' from hell... yes, to us ladies, that's the Gynecologist. To you lucky men, the place where a dude (or a woman) gets to look at our bits and hmmm...

ANYWAY... the lubes like KY are useless. So overhyped but last all of five seconds, not enough to get you through the exam, let alone any type of intercourse... ugh...

There's others, the generics that just sting...and last less... I'm not counting those...

There's something called Wet that some people like but I meh'ed at. Then there's Jo, your best friend in silicone disguise... he's good in the shower, not so good in the bedroom. W hat happened? I raved and raved... then he disappointed me... go figure...typical man... And the water version is not much better...but they give you more of it for less... now I know why...

Moving right along... here I'm going to find the perfect lube... you'll see... some gay man will come up with ass grease, I bet. Which would be great... if I were using it for that purpose... noooootttttt.... I think you can get better creativity than some product called ass grease...

Well, this turned out to be short but don't worry, I'll add more later. :)

Cross Dressers are the bomb!

So I get asked sometimes if I like cross dressers. The answer is yes, if they're hot. Well that, my friends, is for the whole eye of the beholder deal, right? But I can't say I have a type other than pretty. I like pretty boys, pretty girls, pretty boys who look like girls, pretty girls who sometimes look like boys, I like all kinds of things! But I'm not bisexual all the way through. I'm what I call, the visual bisexual. I don't care which sex you are as long as you're hot.
That doesn't mean I'll go to bed with you. It means I'll drool over you.

Just yesterday my boyfriend said something to me and I didn't hear a word because some pretty chick walked by so I had to apologise and ask him to say it again. Now I can't remember what he said but I remember the pretty chick's face. sad, I know... Sorry Chris, if you read this... not that you're not that important, it's just that well... she was pretty...and you're always around... (*mental note to buy flowers and reeses peanut butter eggs to get myself out of the dog house because no matter what I'm saying it still sound so wrong...!)

But going back to Cross Dressers... the reason I like them is because some out there are so f ing HOT as women it's ridiculous! And I do like my surprises... Not all of them, some surprises are bad... like finding out your husband was a cheater... (fortunately, don't have to worry about that right now.)

But thinking you're talking to a hot chick and then find out that under those panties is a little extra spice? Well, that's exciting for a girl like me... A girl who's a bit of a nut... I'm rare, I understand... most people (men and women) think CD's are strange aliens who have the plague or something...

But if you're a freak, as I am, or always felt I was, being among CD's is not a big deal. I relish in the differences. I love gay men. They're usually very pretty. I've been told I AM a gay man. I haven't resisted the label. I have drooled and fallen in love with many a gay men...more than I care to speak about...so maybe the whole CD thing is just me, getting my gay men fix, but with a possibility for something extra. Although I admit, many a CD are also gay men... Some go into being TG's (transgenders.) I was in love, for a while, with the idea of she males...but well they're just halfway TG's and all I've known are gay men anyway...or straight women, depending on how you want to look at it. I have yet to meet a she male who wants to be with a girl...I'm sure I'll run into one eventually. Nothing's impossible anymore. The dude from the Disney's Alice in Wonderland was absolutely right. So I won't say anything anymore.

Another reason for liking cross dressers is they can wear all the sh I can't. frilly dresses, pretty lingerie, hot as hell heels, all that jazz... I'm a tomboy. I can't look good in any of that stuff and heels hurt and I'm a woos for that kind of pain. So I figure, I can still go shopping but I don't have to wear it.

But do I NEED my guy to be cross dresser? No, of course not. It makes life interesting but by no means is it necessary. So don't worry, Chris, you aren't going to be asked to be cross dresser. I wonder if that makes up for the distracted moment? I somehow don't think so...

Anyway there you go, that's the long answer to this simple question. I like freaks. All kinds of freaks. I may think some are stranger than others but I feel at home. When you run around with freaks, you have more fun.

Nothing worse than an uptight too serious guy to kill your mood...

And I guess that answers the other question... my guy's not a freak, exactly, he's funny as hell and goofy... We're dorks, we're nerds, and we're too strange to be normal for anyone...and that's OK. That's why we like each other...Maybe I'm wrong... maybe he IS a freak, but a mild one... either which way, I love that about him. It's true what they say, a guy that makes a girl laugh is hers forever. :) And it's also true that a way to a man's heart is through her stomach... yes, her... because remember, I'm a gay man too... ;)

I'm not transgendering anytime soon... I like my girl parts... I like my gay man parts (the brain) so I'm not changing anything there. I wanted to explain myself to the world because it's 2AM and I had to speak. I should sleep...tomorrow is another day for a different blog.

Enjoy the silence...never let me down...precious. (all Depeche Mode songs that fit.)

Samsung Instinct HD - um... yeah... about that...

I went to sprint to get a new phone b/c AT&T was being a pain in the ass. (what company isn't?)

So I got the HD Instinct thinking it will be some fabulous deal! CNET sure thinks so...

I open it expecting, I don't know, rainbows and butterflies... instead I get roaches and wilted dreams.

Oh sure, it's wide, it's pretty, it's functional... try to make a call and you're in trouble. Try to text and that's even worse. UNLESS of course you have teeny weeny fingers who are always super heated. But no, this thing isn't made for normal people... I don't know HOW men use it, if they do, b/c my fingers are small and I STILL hit two keys... a guy with normal fingers would probably hit three! OK maybe I'm exaggerating. My boyfriend had issues using the thing...

I am a facebook addict, some say... (ahem...) And I have to re-log in several times a day because god forbid you're on facebook and someone calls/texts/voice mails you. You get kicked out of the internet, the program, the world... and even if you dismiss it, you STILL have to relog in...

So I go back to Best Buy where I got the stupid thing, only to be told it was discontinued... OF COURSE it was!! People probably bitched about it too and best buy said, fuck it. Well I'm about to do the same... now, my next quest shall be the HTC Hero... Maybe... because last time I thought I was getting a hero I got something not even worthy of food...let alone that name.

Or maybe I'll go retro and get some old thing... because god knows new technology seems to have gotten stupid... heat sensitive touch screens? Hello...some of us have NAILS... or cold fingers... Oy... what ARE these people thinking... Oh right.. .not thinking...

Well, I'm outtie for now... Thanks for listening to the rant, as usual.

But if your'e shopping for aphone...don't get this thing....seriously... I can only guess CNET got paid off b/c no way they should be giving it THAT high of an award when it sucks this badly.

Mistakes we make when trying to find love...

I'm sure I've made them and I know they've been made to me. Some of these are online things but can be applied to real life too, I think.

1. When attracting someone...let's not go overboard. Number one killer for me? I love you. Now that sounds strange because most girls LOVE hearing it... but come on, I just met you...ONLINE even... and you love me? Yeah...next!

2. I can't live without you! God you make me so happy! Um... what? OK again, you just met me...

Being highly emotional might be normal for some people but for me it throws a fire alarm in my head. I don't ever get that emotional. That doesn't mean I'm a dead fish, far from it, but I am a lot more cautious about people who throw words around. Hence my number 1 killer...

3. You'd think my number one online killer is "I want to f*ck you." But it isn't. I have been getting that statement/question/request/whatever since I first found myself online some decades ago... Back in 1982 I found a thing called Mosaic. Back then it was a bunch of computer geeks hiding in their basements for hours and hours... A female to them was like an open refrigerator to a bunch of ants. I was swarmed. So while requests like this annoy me, I've gotten used to the attention. I ignore it. I'm glad I've never made THIS mistake... last I checked I've never asked anyone to do anything sexual to me. lol. :) (Well, online...)

4. Moving too fast and not paying attention you're freaking the other person out. There's the over emotional person, which I tend to distrust. Then there's the guy that wants to know that "if things go well" where are we spending the night types. Excuse me? Who said I was giving you anything at all?! Last I checked, there was no ring on my finger buddy!

5. What about the one that on the first date has your lives planned out for you. Yikes... Now I know women do this one for sure.

I don't, because I don't even have my dinner figured out but I know lots of women have these hopes and dreams of guys and what's supposed to happen and god forbid if the guy doesn't comply.

(record scratch!)

And no, just because it's our third doesn't mean you get to name the children... slow down!

6. Being too clingy or suffocating. Yup, I did this one. I've had it done to me. Not fun. Give people space but not so much they forget you. What that is, depends on the other person. Talk to me once a month and I'll forget you for sure. Talk to me every five mins, I'll WANT to forget you. In other words, don't crowd anyone, it's not sexy.

This is one of those delicate balances. Go too fast, you scare people...too slow and you bore them...

7. Listen to what people tell you. I make this mistake, I think I know, but I don't... It's hard not to jump to conclusions...or do the yeah buts... or if only I/he/she/it...or well it's this way now but later...

What if later never happens? And this is more relationship oriented but think about it... can you live with those quirks if they NEVER change? If you can't let them go now and forever hold your peace. Don't make people pay for YOUR disappointment. If he was a smoker when you met him, don't think you'll change him... assume he'll always smoke. Now for me, that's a hell to the no. I can't handle smokers. We can be friends but you ain't bring that sh home to me... no way.

OK I'm done for now... I'm sure I'll have more things later... I'm one Cat who can't seem to shut up... lol. :)

Why women are stupid... well, we are... sometimes.

Most of the animal world's females look like mud. They aren't colourful, they don't stand out, and for the most part, aren't really in competition with one another the way female humans are.

What happened? We turned against nature and I can't figure out why? For some GUY?! That's crazy...

Somewhere along the line, we were fed the lie that we were the ones who were supposed to attract a mate, not the other way around.

In the animal world, it is the strongest, prettiest, best suited male that gets the female. It is the males who have to work hard for our love. But in the human world? Men sit around waiting for US to attract them. We have to look "just right" for them or they move on. Um, really? Why?

Once we get said male, then it is our job to do everything else, including, now a days, work for a living. He's then free to go to work, then sit on his arse watching TV while we cook, clean, and care for the children. Does this sound backwards to you? And women don't dump loser men for fear of "being alone" because god forbid that ever happens. Like you haven't realised that yes, you CAN do this on your own. Better have no mate/partner than to have a burden, I always say.

Fortunately, some men have grown out of the cave, and actually are good guys. But THEY end up with women who treat them like crap and apparently, they like it. Why? I have no idea. And I hear that story goes both ways, meaning men stay with bitches and women stay with assholes. No one can figure out why that would be a good thing for anyone.

But fear is a powerful thing, isn't it?

I'm afraid to stand up for myself because then he'll leave me. I'm afraid to do X Y Z because of A B and C. Well, let's think about it. Why let fear rule your life? Why put up with nonsense if you don't have to?

Now me, I've been "alone" for 15 years. I've been celibate that long and people think I'm from mars. Men, especially. They don't understand how my sex drive hasn't driven me crazy. It's simple. If you're focused on something else, sex isn't that big a deal. That doesn't mean I don't like it or don't want it. It means I'm waiting for my peacock to come along... Instead I seem to find a lot of cocks with peas...if you get my drift.

So I'm not directed or ruled by my "other" brain. And I can be naughty, and I can be goofy, and I can sexualise men as much as they sexualise women. I can say you're hot I want to bop you! But I don't mean it. I've learned that one nighters are never a good thing. The girls I hear talk about it say it's great! And later they feel like crap. No thanks, I'll keep moving on.

Men of course, are grateful for women like that. Are you kidding me? Free sex?! Why not? She's dumb enough to give it up, I'm going to take it!!

I don't blame men for it. It's hardwired into them to go around bopping things that move and are female and are willing. It's like if I went to a candy store and they said come anytime you want to eat candy. And they kept changing the candy so I was never bored. Hey, I'd be in there every day...

So don't blame the players, blame the women who keep the game going.

And be smart. Don't give it up so easy. My god, don't be so afraid to be alone! It's not that bad. You won't die, I promise.

And men...wake up. If a girl baits you with whatever and then turns into a bitch, drop that woman. And women, if your man turns into a loser, drop them! NO ONE deserves to be treated badly.

Someone posted on facebook that life is too short to be spending it with someone who doesn't treat you well. And he's right. I wish I could remember his name right now, but he's had good words of wisdom.

Women complain, but he's not doing X Y Z. Or he works too much. Or he (insert excuse here) so I'm not going to do anything for him either. Is that really true? In some cases, men are doing waaaay more than he should be and you're STILL not satisfied. Look around for the things he does do. Men aren't as verbal as women. They show love other ways and if you were open to it, you'd see that in fact they DO something. Unless he's a loser and you're the sugar momma...that's not good.

For example. Man works 80 hrs a week so wife can stay home and be with baby. He comes home exhausted and suddenly she wants him to do housework and care for the baby while she goes shopping. Is that fair? I don't think so. She doesn't even have a meal for him when he gets home. Not even a hi. Not even a hug. Nothing. Just here, take the kid, I'm going shopping and while I'm gone you can cook your own dinner and clean the house. Excuse me? She doesn't even notice that he fixed the leaky faucet or that he rubbed her feet yesterday because he saw she was tired. She doesn't notice that he's going without sex because she's "too tired." She doesn't understand this is a very important connection. (for both sexes)
Where did we get this "me" only mentality?

Now I flip it. Suppose man works 40 hrs a week and comes home, sits on the couch to watch TV and gets upset b/c wife not only didn't have dinner ready, the kids are too loud and the house is a mess. Never mind she's working a 40 or more hour week and that being a mom is a 24/7/365 thing that you can't ever get out of...if you're a real parent. He just wants to come home to a hot meal, watch his TV, drink his beer or whatever, and relax because god knows, he's done working. Um, yeah, no....

See, here's my dilemma. I want equal partnerships. I want to be what you are...the same. Anything less is ridiculous. Now that doesn't mean we both do the same things, we both have roles but like everything else, we NEED a balance. I'm done with one sided relationships. And from what I see out there? That's mostly there is. Someone is doing more than the other and the one doing less seems to always be ungrateful and the one doing more can never do enough. What the heck is up with that?!

And while we're at it? Why are we, the women, so caught up in kicking other women down? Look at her?! OMG did you see what she's wearing?! Did you see what she did?! OMG she's such a slut! (because her dress looks hot on her and not you)

We spend a gazillion dollars on make up, clothes, shoes, expensive, god forbid don't let me get wrinkles and don't let me get fat before I attract a mate. After that? Who gives a sh... Yeah, no... that's false advertisement. That's unfair. He met you like this and like that and as soon as that ring goes on you stop? That's terrible!

I say, better just not start in the firstplace. Be fat, be natural, be unsexual, whatever it is, and let HIM decide if that's OK. I haven't noticed too many men switch gears like women do. They tend to be what they are, all ways, unless he goes through some trauma or something psychological happens.

For the most part, men are simple creatures. They want X Y and Z and they act this that or the other way. They don't tend to get complicated. They speak what they have to say and get to the point quickly. They don't need to give you their whole life story before asking you for a cookie.

I like men. I like simplicity. I like knowing that what someone said is really what they mean. For example, no I don't want that cookie really means that...not "please tell me I'm not fat so I can feel better about wanting the cookie and then convince me it's OK to eat it so that I will."

As much as I find some men frustrating, women are way worse. We're too complicated and chaotic. Most women say X but mean Z and we're just supposed to know what they say. Like mind readers and if god forbid we can't understand you, there's hell to pay.

Why are you asking me if you look fat? You already know you look fat. Why are you mad because I told you what you already know?! Don't ask questions to which you don't want answers to or if you want a fake answer, please tell me that first. Don't play games. I hate that.

Now, not all men are that simple. Some men have learned to be women, I guess. My ex husband was a charming, witty, whatever, seemed like a luxury on the outside. But he was horrible indoors. No one would ever believe me. It took me far too long to drop that loser.

What I mean to say is he was one thing on the outside and another on the inside, the whole bait and switch thing I talked about several paragraphs ago.

So it goes both ways. I'm a simple woman. I say what I mean. I'm too honest for most people. I'm too harsh for others. I'll tell you taht you're fat in that dress. You asked. I'll say that no, I have no idea if that dress goes with those shoes because frankly, I can't tell the difference between eggplant, indigo, and dark purple. I don't know your gazillion shades of blue, red, white, black, brown, green, whatever... I don't frankly CARE.

So I'm like a guy that way. Most guys like pretty packages but they care more about the inside. Some guys, like me, won't notice that today you wore eggshell but yesterday it was bone. They won't care if you wear chartreuse or turquoise. Mind you, these are quality men. The ones you don't bother looking at because they aren't ogling you like mad hungry wolves.

Let's face it girls. We all say we hate it, but we like those hungry dogs. It makes us think we're pretty. And if said hungry dog is pretty too? My god we get such an ego boost.

So here we go, spending on plastic surgery, on perfect clothes, on make up, on shoes that kill our feet, etc etc and for what? So hungry, shallow, men can say we're pretty? Or better yet, so we can look at another woman and say we look better than you and I know it.

Get real. I don't care for your competition. I DO look for the nice guys. But at my age, most are already damaged by the likes of you...women who take advantage of guys like that and turn them into monsters or scared little boys. I can't fix them. I don't have time to... I just wish they knew me before they met you. So they could at least realise not all women are horses without an s. We're not all terrible.

And that goes for you too girls. Not all men are pigs and assholes. There are some good ones. But first, you have to let go of your fake. Because just like in facebook, there are a lot of fakers out there. You think we can't tell, but I know. I just let you believe I don't know it...